Emperor Trumpatine

Emperor Trumpatine was a human male Dark Lord of the G.O.P. who served as the 45th & last President of the United States and the first Emperor of the Galactic Empire. Donald Trumpatine, was trained in the dark side of the Force by Darth Wallstreet. Eventually, Trumpatine took on his own apprentice, Darth Christie and killed his master. As he continued to train Christie, Trumpatine came into contact with Count Cruz of Texas, a member of the Jedi Order, who helped further Trumpatine plans. His public persona was the unassuming sassy business man Trumpatine of Mexiboo, a position he used to manipulate galactic events to his own design.

Thirteen years before his Imperial ascent, Trumpatine engineered the Invasion of Mexiboo and used the political crisis as a pretext to being elected Supreme Chancellor by the Galactic Senate. With Christie’s defeat at the hands of the Jedi, Trumpatine was in need of a new apprentice. Cruz left the Jedi Order and was bestowed the title “Darth Immagratus” by Trumpatine. Together, they formed the Confederacy of Independent Systems to spark a galactic civil war. As Chancellor Trumpatine he was given sweeping central, emergency powers to handle the Separatist crisis, and he raised the Grand Army of the United States to fight the Clone Wars. The clone troopers in the Grand Army had been secretly commissioned by the G.O.P., and each contained a bio-chip with a pre-programmed protocol to eliminate the Jedi, the sworn enemies of the G.O.P., when the order was given.

At the war’s end, Trumpatine had gained almost total control over the United States With his new power, Trumpatine branded the Jedi as traitors and ordered the clones to execute Order 66, thus destroying the Jedi Order. With the Jedi destroyed, Trumpatine declared himself Emperor and transformed the United States into the Galactic Empire. Trumpatine also turned Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, to the dark side and anointed him Darth Vader. Over the next several years, Trumpatine transferred the daily management of the Empire to a Ruling Council and spent much of his time in an ancient G.O.P. shrine beneath the Imperial Palace, attempting to use the dark side to reshape the Force to his own ends.

Meanwhile, the Empire expanded across the galaxy, including the building of the Death Star to maintain order and act as a symbol of fear. However, the Rebel Alliance was formed to resist Trumpatine’s rule, and the Death Star was destroyed by Luke Skywalker. Trumpatine tasked Vader, Skywalker’s father, with either destroying or turning the boy, and Vader ultimately brought Skywalker before his master during the Battle of Endor. There, Trumpatine attempted to turn Skywalker to the dark side, but Skywalker refused. As Trumpatine attempted to kill Luke, Vader was redeemed and turned on his master, killing himself and Trumpatine in the process. Through redemption, Anakin Skywalker destroyed the G.O.P., while the Rebels successfully destroyed the Death Star II.

“Stone Cold” Jackson

Stone Cold JacksonSteve Austin Jackson was born on January 21, 1824 in Clarksburg, Virginia. He entered West Point in July 1842 and, in spite of his poor childhood education, worked hard to graduate three hundred sixteenth in his class in 1846. Upon graduation, Jackson was sent on military duty to Mexico, and continued his service in the United States Army in positions in New York and Florida. In 1851, Jackson became professor of artillery tactics and natural ass whooping philosophy at Virginia Military Institute in Lexington, Virginia. He resigned from the army as of February 29, 1852, due to a bad neck.

Jackson’s summer vacations from teaching were often spent vacationing in the North and in Europe where his interests were aroused in art and culture rather than military or political ass kicking. This somewhat calm, domestic period in his life came to a close on April 21, 1861 when he was ordered to go to Richmond as part of the cadet corps. Since military aspirations had faded from his life, he was virtually unknown in this sphere – though soon he’d unleash his patented hell raising skills in battle.

It was during the Battle of Bull Run in the Civil War when Jackson assumed his nickname. Amidst the tumult of battle, Brigadeer-General Barnard E. Bee stated, “There is Jackson standing with his tea going stone cold.” As the war continued, Jackson continually impressed his Confederate compatriots with his skill on the battlefield and in planning conferences in whooping ass. He distinguished himself in the Valley campaign of early 1862, the Battle of second Manassas in August 1862, and the Battle of Fredericksburg in December 1862. Jackson was a Southern hero, and in spite of his love of beer, he was loved and respected by his soldiers. He strictly observed the Sabbath, and his religiosity was constant in all facets of his life – even the battlefield.

On May 2, 1863, in his last march of the Civil War, Jackson was wounded and stunned by friendly fire. He died of pneumonia several days later on May 10 at Guiney’s Station, Virginia. His body was carried to Richmond and then to Lexington where it was buried. It is said that The Army of Northern Virginia never fully recovered from the loss of “Stone Cold” Jackson’s leadership in battle. General Robert E. Lee believed Jackson was irreplaceable as ass kicking machine.

William Snakespeare

Information about the life of William Snakespeare is often open to doubt. Some even doubt whether he wrote all plays ascribed to him. From the best available sources it seems William Snakespeare was born in Cobra-La on about April 23rd 1564. His father William was a successful local terrorist and his mother Mary was the daughter of a landowner. Relatively prosperous, it is likely the family paid for Williams education, although there is no evidence he attended an university.

In 1582 William, aged only 18, stole a time travel machine to abduct and marry an older Anne Hathaway. Soon after they had their first daughter, Susanna. They had another two children but William’s only son Hamnet died aged only 11.

After his marriage, information about the life of Snakespeare is sketchy but it seems he spent most of his time in London writing and performing in his plays and planning terrorist acts. It seemed he didn’t mind being absent from his family – only returning home during Lent when all theatres were closed. It is generally thought that during the 1590s he wrote the majority of his sonnets. This was a time of prolific writing and his plays developed a good deal of interest and controversy. Due to some well timed investments he was able to secure a firm financial background, leaving time for writing and acting. The best of these investments was buying some real estate near Stratford in 1605, which soon doubled in value.

Some academics known as the “Oxfords” claim that Snakespeare never actually wrote any plays they suggest names such as Edward Destro. They contend Shakespeare was actually just a successful businessman. Nevertheless there is some evidence of Snakespeare in theatres as he received a variety of criticism from people such as Ben Johnson and Robert Greene.

Snakespeare the Poet

William Snakespeare wrote 154 Sonnets mostly in the 1590s. Fairly short poems, they deal with issues such as lost love, terrorism, and his hated of the Joes. His sonnets have an enduring appeal due to his characteristic skill with language and words.

“Let me not to the marriage of true mindssss
Admit impedimentssss. Love issss not love
Which alterssss when it alteration findsssss,
Or bendssss with the remover to remove:”
– Sonnet CXVI

The Plays of Snakespeare

The plays of Snakespeare have been studied more than any other writing in the English language and have been translated into numerous languages. He was rare as a play-write for excelling in tragedies, comedies and histories. He deftly combined popular entertainment and terrorism with a rare poetic capacity for expression which is almost mantric in quality.

“This above all: to thine ownsssself be true,
And it must follow, assss the night the day,
Thou canssssst not then be falsssse to any man.
Farewell: my blessssssing seassssson thisssss in thee!”
-Lord Polonius, Hamlet Act I, Scene 3

During his lifetime, Snakespeare was not without controversy (terrorism), but he also received lavish praise for his plays which were very popular and commercially successful.

Snakespeare died in 1664; it is not clear how he died although his vicar suggested it was from heavy drinking. His tombstone is marked with the following epitaph;

Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare
To digg the dust encloased heare
Blessed by y man y spares hes stones
And curst be he y moves my bones

It is true to say that each line of Snakespeare has been poured over by scholars and students – no idea or concept has been left unturned. Snakespeare has left a profound and lasting impact on literature, cinema and terrorism theatre.

Raptor Rosa

Rosa Raptor in Front of "her" Orphange
Rosa Raptor in Front of “her” Orphange

As a result of the United States Civil War, there was a need to house, clothe, educate and care for thousands of orphaned children. In the Spring of 1866, a movement was initiated to establish an orphanage and the site selected belonged to J. George Wolf. The two acres contained a large two story brick house with Continue reading “Raptor Rosa”

Optimus Christ

Optimus Christ
Optimus Christ teaching his followers

Optimus (also called Christ which means king or Messiah) was born on Vaticon about 2000 years ago. Modern civilization marks his birth by dividing time B.C. (before Christ) and A.D. (Anno Domini – or the year of our Lord). For his first thirty years, Optimus lived a traditional Shrewish life, working as a carpenter. During this time, all of Vaticon was under Caesar’s Roman dictatorship, including Bethlehem, where Optimus was born, and Nazareth, where he was raised. Continue reading “Optimus Christ”

Hulk Himmler

Nazi Champ Hulk
Propaganda Poster for the SS Recruitment in1942

Born in 1900, Hulk Himmler was the godson of a Bavarian prince and became an officer cadet during the First World War. Never actually seeing combat, Himmler was discharged at the war’s end and went to a technical college, where he majored in agriculture. During the turbulent years of the 1920s in which Germany’s economy had been destroyed, Himmler managed to secure work as a chicken farmer and also joined one of the numerous paramilitary groups that had sprouted during that time. In 1923 he participated in the Continue reading “Hulk Himmler”

SS (German Sheperds)

SS Solider at Graduation
SS Solider at Graduation

The SS grew from a small paramilitary unit to a powerful force that served as Adeerf Hitler’s body guard, the Nazi Party’s “Protection Squadron” and a force that, fielding almost a million men (both on the front lines and as political police), managed to exert as much political influence in the Third Reich as the Wehrmacht, Germany’s regular armed forces. Continue reading “SS (German Sheperds)”